The mission of the Men's Resource Center for Change is to support men, challenge men's violence, and develop men's leadership in ending oppression in our lives, our families, and our communities. First Time Visitor? Click here. |
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"Securing the perimeter" is the role most required of a warrior. The healer, on the other hand, is at his best once an external threat is minimized. The healer deals with the internal threat of sickness within the self, dis-ease within relationships, and illness within a community. The warrior deals with threats from outside the body, force from outside a relationship, or terror from outside a community. Whether to be a warrior or a healer, and when, is really a matter of perspective. The tactics chosen by Martin Luther King, Jr., and Malcolm X (El Hajj Shabazz) in the struggle for African-American freedom dramatize this. In simple terms, Dr. King saw white people as part of his beloved community--"all God's children"--and thus within the perimeter, so to speak. Naturally, he chose a healer's strategy. Malcolm X saw whites as a force from outside his community, so he logically took more of a warrior's approach. The comedian Chris Rock, in his book Rock This! (Hyperion, 1997), points out that the healer-versus-warrior decision can also be based on size or perceived strength. "Martin Luther King was a little guy. Malcolm X was a big guy. The little guy talked about us all getting along. The big guy talked about whupping ass. It wasn't an accident." Although I am 5'9", 135 pounds, I have begun to feel more connected to my warrior nature of late, in part due to several years of participation in support groups with other men. I'm not suggesting that male bonding produces warriors, but rather a kind of balance. Many men I've met in these groups actually temper an overblown warrior nature with elements of the healer and other archetypes, sometimes dramatically so. The limitations of this warrior/healer dichotomy crystallized for me as I was reading How Can I Get Through to You? by Terrence Real, a psychotherapist who specializes in men's issues. In the book, the author tells the story of his visit to a remote Masai village in Tanzania. As an American, feminist-oriented therapist, he was nervous about how he would relate to a "living remnant of warrior culture." After several nights of meeting with the male village elders, he asks the wise men what makes a good warrior, a good morani. Through their translator, one of the smallest, oldest men in the group replied, "I refuse to tell you what makes a good morani. But I will tell you what makes a great morani. When the moment calls for fierceness a good morani is very ferocious. And when the moment calls for kindness, a good morani is utterly tender. Now, what makes a great morani is knowing which moment is which!" I've come to realize it's not the role, but the addiction to it that is the problem. It''s often pointed out that even one of history's paragons of healing, Jesus Christ, flipped into warrior mode when those damn bankers disrespected his temple. I'm reminded of the Hindu epic the Bhagavad Gita, where God speaks to a devotee who is paralyzed while defending the righteous on a battlefield. God tells him, "If thou shouldst die (battling thine enemies), thou wilt gain heaven; if thou conquerest, thou wilt enjoy earth. Therefore O son of Kunti lift thyself up! Be determined to fight!" The challenge is when and how to use the warrior energy, and when it's appropriate to switch into another less aggressive, more cooperative mode. Too many men get stuck in the warrior mode when a healing strategy would be more effective. Part of my rationale for regular manifestation of the healer was to help balance the overabundance of warrior energy on the planet. It served me well as I learned to be intimate in relationships and to model that another approach is possible for men. Even though the world remains in need of more healers, I am exploring more of a warrior's attitude now, to achieve greater internal balance. I've enjoyed the shift: Practicing punches and kicks in addition to chanting and meditation. Defending my perimeter more clearly in conversation. Not being as concerned with others' perceiving me as a "nice guy." I'm happy to be expanding my repertoire of roles, as I evolve toward becoming a more balanced "healing warrior." Oh--and I'm happy to report that my brother-in-law is still searching for that balance as well--from the other side of the spectrum.
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